Sarahritchie17 I lost my grandfather on Sunday. He’s the first person in my family to go; the first person I’ve known my whole life. And it hurts. And I’m going through real grief right now.
I don’t know how to process grief like this. It has been a roller coaster, and I’ve been having emotional outbursts for weeks. I am trying not to take my stress and grief out on other people, but I have already failed multiple times.
I turned to podcasts to learn about the grieving process and handling grief in the current state of the world. What I found was, unfortunately, disappointing. Speakers, writers, and influencers are speaking to people who have had to transition to telework and explaining that it is okay to grieve the loss of normalcy. I do not mean to be hurtful, but if you need to hear this honest truth, here it is.
To those of us who need some tough love and hard truths right now:
Get back on your feet. I know it’s hard and life looks a lot different, but I need you to stand up. Stand up if you can because people are depending on you. If you can be strong right now, people need you to be. Challenge yourself to show up for others. You are stronger than you think.
My brother gave me this kick in the butt about two weeks ago, and I needed to hear it too. My grandpa was in the hospital after getting life-flighted for a stroke and my whole family was worried. There was nothing we could do but wait for calls from the hospital. They wouldn’t even let my grandma or uncle into the hospital due to COVID concerns. It was a devastating time for all of us. And my brother told me to pull it together because “we need to be strong for Mom.”
I am not saying that one person’s grief or pain is worse or easier than another’s. I am not telling you that you shouldn’t be grieving. If you need to grieve, then grieve. But please be mindful of if you are grieving for legitimate reasons right now.
Influencers and leaders, consider how you are encouraging others in this season. Please stop encouraging people to grieve the loss of normalcy. We are weeks into this “new normal,” and you need to be helping people to show up for their lives instead of continuing to make excuses.
To those of us grieving the loss of a human right now:
Allow yourself time and space to process things and go through the process of grief. Keep in contact with your loved ones and support network and lean on the people who won’t let you down. Find things to stay busy, but don’t get consumed by so many distractions that you end up avoiding the process of grief. Do not feel shame or guilt for how you are responding to things. When you find your moments of strength, support family and friends in the low point of the roller coaster in that moment. Be together, whatever that means; no shame, no guilt; those are stresses we don’t need. Other people’s opinions don’t matter. Your decisions are your decisions, and you don’t need to defend them.
To the nurses and doctors:
I had to say my last words to my grandpa over the phone because I couldn’t be there. A nurse was holding the phone for him to hear, and I know she was listening too. I could hear her breathing get heavy as I struggled to get each word out while holding back a flood. I hadn’t thought about this until then, but now I know that on top of all the stress and chaos in hospitals right now associated with COVID-19, you are now in the room when family members are uttering their last words. Those heart-wrenching conversations that you normally get to step out of the room for are now things you hear on a regular basis. You are the family when the family can’t be there. I can’t even begin to imagine how overwhelming that must feel. I am so incredibly grateful for all you do and especially all the extra demands you are meeting this season. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
To be clear, this post isn’t a call to action for the people closest to me. People are showing up for my family and supporting us. We are so blessed to have the family, friends, and coworkers that we do, and I would be remiss to not recognize them here. This post is a call to action for the rest of the world; I know there are people that need this wake up call.
We are all going to have moments in this season when we have to keel over or drop to our knees and grieve, but we need to stand up when we can.
(I apologize for not posting last Sunday. I had a lot to write this week, so I’m posting a continuation of this post as Part 2.)
If you like what you read here, follow @genuinesunshineblog on Instagram and look for new posts here at genuinesunshineblog.com every Sunday to start your week with sunshine!
Cheers!
Sarah
P.S. I know this post might not feel like “sunshine,” but this blog is as much about personal growth, getting up when you fall, and supporting each other as it is about positivity. I promise to get back to more sunshine soon.