Sarahritchie17 If I’m being honest, I’ve found the recent news troubling. Last week, I saw an article that described how an Asian Uber driver was assaulted by his passengers after asking them to put on face masks. This week, I heard news that there was a shooting in Atlanta at three massage parlors and eight were killed, including six Asian American women.
I had heard that racism against Asians was on the rise as people blamed the COVID-19 pandemic on Asian countries since it originated in China. However, I hadn’t heard or read actual anecdotes of these racist crimes happening until recently.
It don’t want to be afraid, and so I’m not. Fear is letting terrorism and racism win. But hearing about these incidents makes me question whether I should be afraid.
I’ve never questioned my safety as a Korean American living in the U.S. I’ve been privileged to never have to question it. The thing about race though is that people can see your race from 10 feet away. People are making judgments about me before they even know my name. I never really thought about it like that, but that’s what these incidents bring to mind.
They also bring to mind the microaggressions I’ve ignored or just brushed off in the past. The things that I let go to avoid confrontation, but that perpetuate stereotypes against AAPI (Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders).
I’ll give three examples:
- When I was a college freshman, I was writing a paper on Affirmative Action. I don’t actually remember which side I was arguing, but what I do remember vividly was something I noticed in the Admissions Office hanging on a bulletin board. It was a piece of paper with a table comparing “equivalent” SAT scores by race. It looked something like this:
Asian 600-700
White 500-600
African American 400-500
I don’t remember the exact scores listed, and I wish I took a picture of it then, but I didn’t. If this troubles you, please educate yourself on the issue of Asians being labeled the “model minority.” - When I was a college junior, I had the opportunity to do an exchange program with another college. I worked my butt off in school and it showed when I graduated in the top 10% of my class “with highest honors.” Still, people in my class circulated rumors that I only got to go on exchange “because she’s Asian.” They would tell you that it’s because the person who everyone assumed ran the program (it was actually decided by a panel and based on merit) was also Asian and tended to look out for his own, but to me, whenever I heard a person say that, it felt like a punch in the gut. To me, they were saying, “You don’t deserve it,” discounting all the work I’d put in. If this bothers you, please do some research into how you can be an ally and why it’s important.
- Another time, I was with some friends when one of them accidentally called me the name of another Asian friend of ours. They quickly realized their mistake and quickly said, “Oh well, you’re pretty much the same.” It may be difficult for some to see how this is a racist comment, but to me it says that all Asians are the same and makes me feel like less of a person. If you feel like lots of Asians look the same or lots of Black people look the same, then you probably don’t have enough diversity in your circle.
There are other times too, I’m sure, that I haven’t spoken up and instead, let racism against Asians (and others) perpetuate around me. I am sorry for that and am still learning and working on being better about standing up against racist remarks.
I think back to high school when a Korean friend of mine wore a special kind of tape on her eyelids for weeks because she wanted so badly to have a crease in her eyes. I remember thinking at the time that she was just insecure and needed to have more self-confidence. I now realize that the cause of her insecurities may have been that no one around her looked like her. Our high school was 98% white. I don’t know for sure if it was the sheer lack of diversity at our school or comments that were made to her, but for some reason, she was made to feel like less because she had Asian eyes.
Racism isn’t always in your face. It can be subtle and hard to notice or comprehend. I’m not even sure that I “get it.” I’m also not sure that racism is something you can ever “get.” I think there are so many layers to racial injustice that even experts in the field are still uncovering and learning.
A lot of people are saying that the shootings in Atlanta shouldn’t be considered Asian hate-crime because they have not determined whether the man was racially motivated. I disagree and am having a hard time with the fact that this notion has been dismissed so quickly. When I read that the man had a “sexual addiction” and wanted “to eliminate temptation,” I am deeply concerned because to me this is racist on multiple levels. First, the shooting disproportionally affected innocent Asian women. Second, much of the AAPI community is reeling right now and is experiencing heightened anxiety because of the news. Third, and perhaps most disturbing, Asians are not sex dolls. Asian women are not ever meant to be a “temptation” that can be “removed.” This just brings up so many issues that Asian American women (and others) have struggled with including objectification, sexualization, human trafficking, and exploitation. And though, you might argue that these are issues that affect everyone, they disproportionally affect Asian American women.
To me, that’s disgusting, disturbing, and concerning.
These are the thoughts that have been spinning in my mind the past 48 hours, and I just needed to write them down. I keep asking myself if I’m okay, and the answer is, I don’t know.
